Whether it’s your partner, friend, an ex you share children with, a family member, coworker or a child, you know the feeling. You are exhausted and drained and now doing your darnest to collect your mental and emotional resources to focus on task at hand.
And your task is an important one. You are mission-driven, you want to contribute, solve big problems and have positive impact. You are craving the feeling of peace and like your people have your back, you are wanting to feel supported, so you can focus your attention on the big important things, especially when it matters most.
The truth is world needs our gifts and us giving our very best more than ever now. If ever was time for problem solvers, leaders, healers and dreamers to get their act together and show up and step up, this is it.
Imagine feeling so energized by relationships in your life, that you feel so fulfilled and happy, you have spring in your step, you are driven every minute of your day, and you look forward to sharing your big wins as well as struggles at the end of every single day with someone who deeply cares. You know you are loved and genuinely cared about. When conflicts arise, and they unfailingly do, you are able to show up with skill, clarity and curiosity, and solve or manage them quickly and effectively, learning about yourself and other party in the process.
If this sounds so amazing and no brainer, why doesn’t everyone have it? Why incredibly intelligent, successful and driven people don’t have love and relationships they desire?
There could be many different reasons, of course, but here are some common ones.
An unconscious belief that you must trade safety and security of a relationship for freedom can prevent you from actively going after what you want in love and relationships. Especially if you are creative, entrepreneurial type, this is a common limiting belief. It tells you that you can have either or. It’s super common with men, but many women can relate to this too. The better question to start asking yourself is how can I have safety and security of a relationship AND freedom I crave. Look for examples of what you want to have all around you. You will be surprised at possibilities. You CAN have what you want!
Limiting belief that you must be successful already and have made it big before you can be loved can trap you and set you up for failure in both love and work. When you have this unconscious belief, you can cut yourself off from support and nourishment of loving friendships, even yourself, let alone romantic partners, and literally starve yourself of connection, love and support, which is so key in feeling energized to going after your dreams. The truth of course is that you are already lovable. You must show love to yourself and let it in from others. It will nourish you and support you in your big goals.
Feeling like you need to be perfect in all areas of your life before you can find or accept love and relationships is very similar to previous one. You might already have a successful career, family and a great partner, but you keep expecting yourself to do it all and be everything to everyone and then beating yourself up for inevitably failing this impossible standard. You might already have it all, but you won’t let yourself actually enjoy it. Successful women, especially moms are very prone to this. The antidote to this plaque is to learn to give yourself some credit, expand your capacity to receive, allow help, and take time to smell the roses and enjoy all the good things you created in your life.
Waiting to go after your dreams or really committing to your work until you find “the one”. It’s especially common for women, but men do it too: wait to travel the world, wait to really go after the big job or even go all in figuring out what they really want to do. Unfortunately, holding yourself back in such a major way often prevents us to ever meeting our partner, or looking at relationship to fulfill the needs we’ve been neglecting or putting off and thus creating the strain and putting the very relationship you are wanting at disadvantage from the get go. What is helpful in this situation is to start living life of your dreams right now. The more you are living the best version of yourself, the more likely you are to meet that partner. And when they arrive, you won’t place the burden of responsibility of your happiness and fulfillment on the young budding relationship. You will set yourself for success in work and love.
Finally, not setting boundaries that are sorely needed on toxic people and relationships in our life leaves us exhausted, drained and at our worst in all other areas of our life. We simply can’t perform at a high level when we are frustrated, confused and on the defense or in survival mode. We must become an ace at recognizing and have no-nonsense approach at creating the relational environment for ourselves that sets us up for growth and success in our mission.
We also cheat ourselves when we hold back from love we crave. When we go after what we want in love and relationships we communicate to ourselves on the deepest level that we are worthy. Rather than feeling lonely we feel energized and on top of the world. It’s when we are at our best and create the biggest most meaningful impact.
If this resonates, and you are wondering if one of these unconscious beliefs holding you back, please comment or send me a DM. I am offering free 30-45 minutes discovery calls to help you gain clarity about creating love and relationships that energize you and propel you upward. Shine on!
Or do nothing and see if anything changes on it’s own. What is the real cost of you not being at your best to your mission, your big vision, your dreams and the world at large? It is absolutely possible and all too common to go through entire life feeling dragged down and drained by difficult relationships or lack of love. You already know exactly how to do that 🙂. The choice is yours!