I shared before that after a long break after separation and divorce I started dating a few months ago. So I meet the cutest guy, who is absolutely enthralled with me, and we spend some time chatting, hanging out and having a great time. Then I decide it’s time for me to head home and he asks for my number. By the time I get home he’s already texting me and things are off to a great start lol Well, we agree on a date later that week, and all of a sudden I get super nervous! He isn’t leading the way with picking a place. He is obviously going out of his way to please me, and as I didn’t get an impression that he made a huge lot of money, I didn’t want to ruin things off the bat by picking a place that is too expensive, etc. It’s not that I was expecting him to pay, not at all, I was happy to pay my own way, but not sure how to navigate the issue, in case he wanted to pay lol, and getting more confused by the minute! These are thoughts running through my head as we are texting back and forth! One of amazing things about being a Sex, Love & Relationship coach is having an army of incredible expert colleagues at my fingertips, so I asked my dear friend, who is a top dating and love coach for advice. She brought me right back out of my head!!! She reminded me that my only job on the date is to have as much pleasure and fun as possible, and that if I do that, my date gets to have an amazing time too!! This is how you lead as an incredible woman!! Yesss!! As soon as I heard that, fog lifted, I realized I knew exactly where I wanted to go and what to do, and I shared all that with my date! It ended up being an incredible date and even though things didn’t end up going too far with the cute guy and we broke things off after a few weeks (for all the right reasons and in the friendliest of ways), that advice is something I take with me on every single date since.
I’ve been on quite few more dates since then and I added my own little twist to it, which is “always order dessert!”. I love decadent desserts and it’s not something I have often, so it definitely feels special and celebratory. You might hate desserts lol and it’s totally fine, but it’s not the point, just hear me out. Ok, so I met this other guy who I really liked and as it was Oktoberfest time, we ended up at a beerhaus. This guy was, in contrast to the other guy I mentioned in the first story, super confident and leading a lot. He was also well travelled and very familiar with German food. He was obviously wanting for me to have an amazing time, so started making suggestions for different things he thought I might like. True to my friend’s earlier advice, I checked in with myself and realized that what I wanted the most was apple strudel, which he hasn’t mentioned at all. Without batting an eyelid, very sweetly I said, that all the things he mentioned sounded amazing, but what I would really like, was a warm apple strudel with some whipped cream on top. My date was beyond happy to oblige. As I took that first bite, it seemed like the most delicious thing I ever had! It gave me so much pleasure to have expressed exactly what I wanted and see my date be ecstatic to provide. Honestly, I nearly made out with that apple strudel lol, it felt so good to have had courage to be so authentic and true to my desire. I kept saying, omg, it’s so good! Lol He watched me quietly and intently. I couldn’t tell exactly what he thought, but honestly I was having such a great time, that even though I was hoping my date was enjoying himself as much as I was, at least I knew I was having a blast lol. At our next date, at a very nice restaurant, mind you, I was having amazing time again and as I already knew he wasn’t a dessert eater, I hesitated about ordering dessert I couldn’t finish or share with him. Ladies, seeing me hesitating for a moment, and after he witnessed me with that apple strudel haha this guy orders both desserts this posh restaurant has on the menu! I’m floored. Full stop. I couldn’t believe it!! Well, let me tell you ladies, this date only got hotter from there lol and I learned an important lesson. A great guy wants to bring you pleasure!! He enjoys himself when you are enjoying yourself. He can’t read your mind, but if you let him in on it, he would love to provide!! Again, this isn’t about $$ at all. The entire time, I was absolutely willing to pay for myself, in fact, I always order dessert now when I take myself out on a special date too :)) The point it, I know now, If I’m 100% committed to having an amazing time on a date (and this translates to the bedroom 100%), no matter what, I will attract men who are committed to my pleasure, also no matter what. This is my set point, and I take full responsibility for having an amazing time. I haven’t had a bad date yet!! It’s absolutely a dance, but just like in dance, if you look for everything from your partner, that dance will be dull at best. If you show up ready to have a blast and be fully expressed, as unique you, and your partner might balk (which would show you he’s not the right partner for you), but even then you will have an amazing time. Please let me know if this is helpful, and have the best time dating! Shine on!